This is my first post as I’m trying to find a home to where I can collect my thoughts and share them, with a big community.
I was a porn addict, watched porn since I was around 9 years old, I’m 18 now, and I still love masturbating and I really cut down on the porn, though sometimes it does come up, but I’ve changed what I watch for the most part. I went through it all, I ended up liking transsexual (who I support now) porn, seen a couple of gay porn (skipped more than watched), getting erect from seeing a cock. All those things eventually made me wonder who in the hell I became, I still wonder that now. When not watching a female solo or just a video with a woman in it, I’ll watch a M/F video, and once I see his erection, I get a rising erection and it’s like I still don’t get it though I came up with theories: I used to be obsessed with penis size because I used to sext girls in middle schools, so I’ll be on google all night looking up how to increase penis size, that along with all the masturbating numbed me to the point that I even found cock to be arousing.
Porn put me in this position, I never seen a cock other than mines in real life other than one time I was in the room with some friends while a friend was getting blowjob, and I was around 15. It drives me nuts because I know i’m like this now because of porn and my masturbation, but it’s like I can’t prove it and I can’t change it. And because of that, I’m scared to pursue the girls that I want to pursue. Because if this interferes with my personal life with women, I’ll more than likely breakdown. All my life I automatically was straight, but now? I can get hard from seeing a hard cock and I can’t deny that. But now I don’t what I am now, the worst thing about is I feel as if I’m the only one. Things cool down when I just focus on women, but when I want to jerk to M/F porn, it makes me feel like I’m not straight because of what gave me a boner. If I liked guy’s sexually, then I’ll be fine and say I’m bi, but I’m not, though a guys erection can give me a rise…I just don’t get it. If I truly liked it, I would care, but I only go with it cause I’ll be horny and need all I can get me a rush.