The eternal triangle is alive and well in the world. The most common scenario has two women vying for one man, however, in these cases the women will likely have little to no relationship with each other. The man involved will have his ego fly through the roof at least at first. Oh the complex and devious mind of a woman. If he does not choose and quickly he will find himself alone wondering what went wrong. I simply cannot imagine how that can happen.
The melodrama in recent years has taken new twists and turns with women partaking in loving relationships both on an emotional and physical level. Suddenly, the unsuspecting man becomes the target of affection by “the other woman”.
I believe these situations are recipes for disaster as now you have a decision that quite literally can affect the rest of your life. There is no fun being in a position where you can lose one or more likely two loving and fulfilling relationships at the same time. You are on a slippery slope that must be resolved immediately. The decision is going to be painful one way or the other.
The best way to alter this dangerous course before it consumes you is to nip it in the bud before it reaches a crisis point. Take it from personal experience. You must stem the flow before it becomes a flood.
About 8 years ago I met and fell head over heals with
a Las Vegas showgirl. She was, to put it mildly, perfect in every way and she knew it. She was ten years younger than I but that did not stop us from having a relationship that was totally fulfilling. My husband made it abundantly clear from the start that she was a superstar. I really was not worried about him making a pass at her but I was still on guard. We never had a threesome to the disappointment of my husband. He was OK with it as long as I was happy. I am lucky. I really do have a keeper.
One night during one of her shows she twisted a knee to the point where her dancing career was about to come to an end. Money issues, especially after she recently purchased a home was going to become a real concern. Slowly and I believe deliberately her attentions began to shift from me to my man. All over a sudden she looked and acted differently toward him. One day when she thought I was not home the phone rang. Guess who? The seemingly innocent conversation with my husband ended with arranging a rendezvous at the gym to workout together. Innocent my butt. It was the last day I ever spoke with. I made it clear no matter how difficult and extremely painful it was to end the relationship. No hesitation. No regrets.
If you have a good man, your soul mate, your confidant and friend, you must protect yourself and your unsuspecting na?ve partner, at all costs. As you all are aware, men think with one hand in his pants. I believe women are blessed with a sixth sense, an instinct that is unshakable. Ninety nine percent of the time your first instinct is the correct one. Do not allow any other issues to get in your way. Your final decision, although difficult, must be made before they have a chance to get to first base. If they reach second base it may already be too late. There are more fish in the sea.
Love and Understanding
Beth has been a “guru” for Bicurious women for over eight years.
She and her husband own and operate, Wild Women Vacations, of Las Vegas, which provides events and vacations catering to the Bi and Bicurious community, in safe and secure environments. Beth grew up in New Orleans, where as a teenager, discovered she was equally attracted to men and women and developed an understanding of her sexuality. She has explored the Bi lifestyle and helped many others come to “find themselves” and feel comfortable with being intimate with both genders.
When dealing with human sexuality the number of issues and relationships are almost endless. The mission of her advice column is to answer many questions women have dealing with their bisexuality.
A response to a recent piece by Guardian journalist Barbara Ellen which suggests that men are less likely to explore bi-curious feelings than women
Barbara Ellen (or her sub-editor) asks the question “If you really think you’re gay, guys, why not act on it?”, but, I contend, this question is not only non-equivalent to the issue of female ‘sexual fluidity’, but also simply wrong-headed. Women, she contends, are embracing each other on a more regular basis than their male counterparts. She calls these visits ‘carnal mini-breaks’, which makes a lot of sense – primarily straight women experimenting with same-sex encounters. But where are the men? Indeed, where are they?
She answers her own question when she writes:
These days, a woman kissing another woman at a party might be interpreted in many ways, only one being that she is going to be a committed lifelong lesbian. However, a man doing similar would usually be viewed as 100% gay. If he said he was experimenting, he would be branded as in denial.
This is pretty bang on. But it’s not just straight guys who would say this, so would most gay guys. While working in the theatre many years ago I was party to a green room chat about guys these guys had slept with, or wanted to. “Oh, he’s gay,” went one comment, “he sucked my cock last week!” This of a married man with kids. “Excuse me?” I interjected. “A guy sucks one cock and he’s suddenly gay?” They confirmed that this hypothesis was correct. “OK,” I said, “how many of you have slept with a girl?” Two guys nodded. “Damn, you’re straight!” They laughed. “That’s not the same.” The question Ellen asks reinforces this arrant nonsense, while simultaneously answering the question why so few men appear to be sexually fluid. The category doesn’t apply.
I am what many would call bisexual. This isn’t true, as I tend far more towards sex with women than men, but I do enjoy the occasional dalliance with a guy. I also swing, that is, I indulge in group sex, partner swapping and so forth. Most couples consist of bisexual/bi-curious women and straight men. And no, the women aren’t doing it to gratify their male partners. Really, they aren’t. Fewer couples have both partners bisexual/bi-curious, and hardly any where the man is and not the woman. My partner and I sometimes invite single men to play, but they must be bisexual. One chap offered his services but had failed to read our profile correctly. We gently pointed out that we only did bi guys, while asking him to stop shouting (his message was in capitals). His response ”I’M NOT SHOUTING. FUCK OFF YOU F*CKING QUEER ****S” pretty much sums up the attitudes of many men. So often we’ll meet a couple with a ‘straight’ man who pretty soon turns out to be rather past the curious stage.
The statistics are, I suspect, similar to those regarding number of sexual partners that don’t match between men and women. The answer in those situations is simple: men overdo their ‘conquests’, while women undereport theirs. Don’t worry, Barbara, lots of basically straight men take carnal mini-breaks with other men. The truth is that while gay culture is so taken up with lifestyle, rather than sexual preferences, few of us are going to tell you that we’re doing it. Name withheld
Charlotte ‘Lottie’ Dingle is Biscuit’s editor-in-chief. She likes dyeing her hair too often, discussing life/the universe/everything with her beloved (but smelly) 21-year-old cat, getting pretentious tattoos, listening to folk music, creating surrealist art, doing performance poetry, trying to change the world and drinking red wine. Oh, and My Little Pony. Don’t forget My Little Pony. Her favourite biscuits are cream crackers (do they count as biscuits?).
- Poll results: How do you label yourself? - August 7, 2014
- Anna Paquin explains bisexuality to Larry King - August 7, 2014
- Have a hobnob in our forums! - July 23, 2014
- Meg Barker: “A vicious cycle of bi invisibility” - July 22, 2014
- Poll: 80% of bi women have pretended to be straight - July 11, 2014
Hello, everyone. I would like to thank everyone who responded to my question. Here is what I received individually. Most of these words and phrases I was not familiar with so I'm glad I asked! Rebecca transgender heteroflexible, sexual identity, queer, pansexual, and omnisexual I frequently see in the lit the phrase, "men who have sex with men" as opposed to the term homosexuals. I wonder if you can search similarly w/ "women who have sex w/ women"? This may be something you've tried already, but I was thinking either 'bicurious' or 'bi*' would be good keywords to try; the term 'bicurious' or 'bi-curious' is used often, and 'bi*' would pick up 'bisexual' or 'bicurious'. Another idea might be 'experimentation' or 'experiment*' as keywords. Bi-Woman or Bi-Women Bisexual Woman or Bisexual Women Bi-Curious female or Bi-curious woman or women Predominately Heterosexual [tiab] pubmed- if you type this in PubMed after your search terms, it will search the titles and abstracts. bicurious OR "predominantly heterosexual" OR "sexual minority" There is a good library in Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Community Center. Unfortunately I don't have phone or address. They have provided me with great help on issues like this. Try bi-curious or bicurious. Also "pansexual" (some mostly-straight women use this term to describe themselves to show they're attracted to transgender and gender-variant/intersex people). "Questioning" may also be applicable. Using the textword "exclusively" (eg: almost exclusively heterosexual)with the MESH heading "bisexuality" turned up some articles that may be relevant (along with some false drops). Typing the two word phrase: mostly heterosexual, into Ovid Medline (1946 to present) results in the following 10 "mapped" subject headings: Select Subject Heading Sexual Behavior Heterosexuality HIV Infections Adult Adolescent Homosexuality Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome Young Adult Middle Aged Unsafe Sex mostly heterosexual.mp. search as Keyword Selecting the mostly heterosexual.mp. search as Keyword option results in the 34 citations. Reviewing the titles and abstracts of the respective citations, pertinent citations , i.e. Result 7, I think are found with the combination of the subject headings Heterosexuality/ and Homosexuality, Female/ Note that Homosexuality, Female/ wasn't a MeSH term Ovid mapped to. Result 11 could also be of interest to a researcher, but because it discusses both genders the indexer assigned Homosexuality/ We could add a 3rd heading of Female/ to eliminate any articles that only discuss "Mostly heterosexual Males" in combination with Heterosexuality/ and Homosexuality/ Database(s): Ovid MEDLINE(R) 1946 to Present with Daily Update Search Strategy: 1 mostly heterosexual.mp./ 34 2 Heterosexuality/ 1848 3 Homosexuality, Female/ 2166 4 2 and 3/ 226 5 Homosexuality/ 11250 6 2 and 5/ 300 7 Female/ 5979396 8 2 and 5 and 7/ 250 9 4 or 8/ 463 10 limit 9 to english language/ 440 11 exp United States/ 1028974 12 10 and 11/ 120 Limiting the Results to the United States may be arbitrary for your patron. We also need to consider searching PsycINFO (Psychological Abstracts) on this topic and perhaps even Sociology <="" a="">
I started out in life primarily focused on women, both sexually and romantically. I used to crush like hell on girls in my teens, and I found myself fantasizing about women. But, when it came to sexual imagery- male full-frontal nudity, etc- I found myself masturbating to both. Both sexes aroused me. But, I never even considered a relationship with a man, mainly because I just liked the women around me so much. (And I was in the theatre at the time and was young and attractive, and I could’ve had my pick of either sex. I just gravitated to the girls.)
I think that I came to terms with the fact that the relationships I had with the men around me as a child- my father, grandfather, uncles, brother- deeply skewed my mental connection with other men and delayed me finding my sexual identity because of their deep hatred and intolerance of anything they didn’t consider “manly”. That said, the few times that I did have the chance to explore my sexuality deeper as a young man in college were left alone, even though the curiosity and attraction- both emotional and physical- were there. But, this damage created by my family also transferred to my ability to form friendships with men, too, and I didn’t have any real guy friends until my 30′s.
So, that said, I think it’s entirely possible for you to have guy relationships before you have girl relationships. I think it has a lot to do with you’ve been conditioned to and the circumstances of your life. You spent your formidable years around other males, thus you’re more comfortable with other males.
If death were given a voice, That voice would scream through the sky
“Live while you may for I am coming”, So
Hand me the wine and the dice, I want my carnival now
While I have thirst and lust for living.